I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
