i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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