Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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