this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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