the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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