Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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