On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
