he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
