If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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