I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
