Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
