I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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