Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
