Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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