I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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