Dude my mom stole all your condoms
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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