i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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