I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Alive.
So much puke
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
