problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
