so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
