I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
