so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
