I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He felt like a one man threesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
