i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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