Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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