It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
