he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
