To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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