We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
