Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
