omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
