Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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