I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
