i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
