3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize