I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
