I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
