It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
