I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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