no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
