haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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