Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
