my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
