Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
