smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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