sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
