This is not my ceiling
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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