Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
