i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
