On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
