she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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