YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
