please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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