I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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