Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
