Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
