worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
