my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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