Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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