I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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