Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
