she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I did not marry a roomba.
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