Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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