I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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