hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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