I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
