I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
