Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
