Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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