Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
