I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
